time is a shitty concept

If you could change the past, what time would you want to go back to?

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Let’s see. The past. What part of my past would I willingly want to go back to? Because when I close my eyes and think about the “past”, I only ever seem to remember sad memories.  Painful memories. Memories that don’t want to be remembered. And yet, isn’t that the very purpose of a memory, to be remembered? So basically my memories don’t want to exist. I realize that until now, my life has been a series of incidents that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

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If you could change the past, what time would you want to go back to?

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Is there any point in wandering around and getting lost in a past that for a long time I’ve been trying to forget?
If asked to make a list of things we’d do differently, mistakes we’d correct, people we’d like to bring back from the dead, and movies that we’d rather not have watched, I’ve come to understand that most people can write pages and pages. But not me. You see, even though my past pretty much sucks, I don’t want to change it. I don’t want to change it because it justifies my sadness.  And my sadness has become a comfortable blanket that keeps me warm, like a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day. I’ve gotten too used to this warmth.

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If you could change the past, what time would you want to go back to?

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We can’t go back to the past. There is no special favor like that in this world. There is no such thing as “living in the present”, because before we know it, this moment is gone. Life always runs past us, and we keep repeating the same mistakes and regretting it, over and over again.

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Picture credit: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)